With every breath that I take
I just can’t seem to find the words Still healing from mistakes Another band aid to the hurt We all have to fight someday And with the enemy I flirt I just wish that I could hear you say Chorus: It’s gonna be okay They won’t silence your voice As I wish for yesterday The uprising of choice Battle worn and broken down But on my knees amazing grace Who am I to try and unveil this place? And then I see your face And it’s gonna be okay It’s gonna be okay As the light begins to fade And I behold the starlight Begin the fading of the rage And so I wish upon the night With the memories we made I close my eyes and quiet my mind And I hear your voice say… Chorus There is nothing to left to lose As you earn and fly your wings Now authentically renewed The same address for tragedy As every side obscurely viewed Imagining a peace relentlessly So I know you’re watching over me And your words now replay… Chorus It’s gonna be okay They can’t silence your voice As I wish for yesterday An uprising of choice Battle won and broken down But on my knees amazing grace Who am I to try to unveil this place? Because I see your face It’s gonna be okay It’s gonna be okay.
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My first composition in over 5 months...
Through secrets and shadows A loneliness calls Keep hoping for rainbows Keep tearing down the walls The weakness I find tonight Builds strength for the day Still learning to trust my fight And jump into the fray I’ll be defined by who I am And I know I’ll find my way So I’m walking through this storm I’m dancing in the rain For faith will help keep me warm As I erase all my pain So this soul now so weary But the heart now still plays the game I sit still in the silence And hear the roar of the flame I’ll be defined by who I am And I know I’ll find my way I’ll pretend to be strong Until the tears cease to fall Let the stars bring me back to life Knowing I’m walking this path on time So, I’ll be defined by who I am And I know I’ll find my way Yes, I’ll be defined by who I am… And I know ...I’ll find… my way. Emotional Autoclaving. I came up with this concept a couple of years ago and had forgotten about it until I came across my Facebook memory the other day. I have been implementing my concept daily again now. Instead of choosing to go numb (something I used to do frequently when it came to emotions), I started searching for motivation within myself. I am collecting the pieces of my life and sitting down with them, evaluating where they will best fit or if they are from a different puzzle altogether and need to be set aside. Amazingly, the completed picture that I desire is not taking me long to lay out. I've started reinforcing myself for the things I have accomplished, instead of judging myself for the ones I’ve yet to. I've started actively participating in my own dreams; instead of just voicing them. Did you know that it is impossible to finish something you never start?!? (I know, mind-blowing revelation, right?) I keep actively trying to modify any of my negative thoughts into productive actions that satisfy and fulfill my lifelong purpose, whatever time remains for me. Oh, I still fail at this sometimes, especially lately when I have felt that the pain has exceeded my resources for coping with it. Then, I start to remind myself that there are only two things I can possibly do: (1) find a way to reduce my pain, and (2) find a way to increase my coping resources. So, I hold on, my numb fingers gripping the ledges as tightly as I can, until I can determine my next move. One day, one step, sometimes one breath at a time...
Simplify – I remember today that the greatest happiness in life is found in the simplest forms. Holding your head held high and turning your back on someone else’s pettiness. Being able to help out a friend. A refrigerator full of tasty things. The sunshine that beats down on a 40degree day after so many days of grey skies and bitter cold. The thwack from the fluffs of snow that are sent spraying into your face from a frolicking dog, trying to entice you play, but making you giggle uncontrollably instead. The warm body snuggled close, her paws wrapped around you as you both watch some videos. The soft snoring that makes you smile while the twitches make you wonder what the dream is about. Wondering just WHAT dreams come to those who cannot speak. Letting your mind drift off into hope, dreams of the future, and then determination. The satisfaction of having a warm place to temporsrily called home; remembering all too well the times of homelessness. A conglomeration of musical genres that range from the assault of your auditory nerves to the gentle caress of your soul. Watching videos from around the world via wonderful present-day technology and focusing on the good that still exists...even after so much tragedy. Knowing that your life, here, now, in this moment, is as pleasant as it could possibly be, all things considered. There could always be more…but there could always be less. Learning to let go of those near me that serve no further purpose due to harm they cause. Instead, I am content. I have simplified my life. I think that has made the difference between insanity and now. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it. So I think I'll just sit over here being all magicky and stuff. :-)
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Julie WestphalAuthor, Poet, Dreamer Archives
February 2024
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