I've spent my entire life shadow-boxing myself, trying to compensate for the constant social turbulence and struggling to understand emotions that are quite simply: foreign. You see, my very nature is of extremes and my coping mechanisms have been very limited until the last couple years of my life. There is a rhyme and reason as to why, but none of that really matters in the broad scheme of things, because I now actively CHOOSE who I am and how I perceive my world.
I am still learning how to accept myself, strengths and faults. I still have days where I am disappointed in how I handled something or feel I have failed myself once more, but I am ever growing stronger and more confident in who I am. My strength finally comes from within. When people contact me about how something I have written has made an impact on their life, I am encouraged beyond words and motivated beyond belief. If my writings and reflections can help inspire others to help make this world a better place, then I have accomplished my purpose in life. My mission started with: Changing the World, One Pet At A Time. Now it is simply: Changing the World. Whatever your reasons for reading these posts...find your inner light, no matter how seemingly far off it seems. Gently fan even the smallest flicker into an unstoppable flame. The first step is to become self-aware. Recognize Yourself...ALL of you. So, my first poem to share is this one, written August 29th, 2014: "In the Eyes of Borderline" written: August 29th, 2014 Tonight here I sit; slowly brush away tears The house eerily silent as I devalue my fears My world always changing, hope ebbs as it flows Weaving around through blurred lines and shadows How much time has now passed as I refuse to take aim But when faced with the barrel, who can say who’s to blame? I can know “it gets better” or “just give it some time” But when faced with the past, what’s today’s paradigm? The struggle through panic, self-loathing and doubt A joke’s dime-a-dozen; Sarcasm’s my out Flipping and tripping, floundering against pain Metaphorical, physical, emotional, insane? Reflecting, perfecting but never quite “real” A chameleon alone who cannot truly feel. In retrospect maybe, empathy none surpassed But amidst human beings, wholly viewed an outcast. Creative and boundless, an unyielding force freed By the smile of another viewing the particulate me. But what becomes of the soul, limited by the strain Of the wholehearted desire for the beautifully mundane? Life constantly changing; my poetical illusions I can’t handle the darkness, but I’ve healed the contusions As words becomes weapons; addictions conceal No one knows ‘til the end; death a great reveal An emotional martyr; a history of silence Tumultuous energy in lieu of the violence My rendition within lies inescapably clear: If I continue this route, implosion is near. So how to move forward; recreate my design? I accept that I am who I am; Borderline.
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Julie WestphalAuthor, Poet, Dreamer Archives
February 2024
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