Dedicated to Phoenix and in hopes of helping heal the broken hearts of the Zillmer Family...
Sometimes in life we find a soul So broken it knows not where to go; Shut down, afraid, and cold inside An emptiness where the spark has died. The changes brought about that day When unknowingly you came to stay. Meant to be just a stop along your road, We welcomed you to our abode. Too scared to take your Freedom Ride; That broke my heart, I must confide. But ever gently we led the way, To show you Life wasn’t meant this way. It wasn’t long before the thunder Opened your mind to all Life’s wonder. Frolicking fast as Dobermans should; Exploring and racing as fast as you could. You charmed everyone into being your friend. Whatever the ache, your kisses could mend. For the lazy days spent sprawled on your back, Finally realizing just all that had lacked. We adopted you long before the papers were signed. Your butt propped on our couch; your role now defined. Always “helping” with projects; all toys you must hoard. Because, really, a Doberman should never be bored. With ears flying free, the horses you raced. More fun in the water; the wilderness you faced. Nose whistles and whines, always center of attention. You became to us all, Love’s definition. Now realizing value in those dear memories. Sweet glimpses in time, those moments we freeze. As your heart slowly faltered, your body grew weak, The tears in our eyes; even now hard to speak. The most final of gifts we’re allowed in this life - Broken down now to ashes; it’s your turn to rise.
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Rocky roads I have travelled
Over walls I still climb But I’ve healed all my bruises And pain fades over time. With each breath I inhale And each heartbeat I hear I take comfort in knowing My future’s quite clear. Although I know not Where I’m headed, but how. I choose my emotion; Know my future is now. The past will not linger And my fate still unknown. But I’m happy just being; My mistakes I condone. I now snuggle my loved ones; They will know that I care. For holding back only hinders; Leaves a shattering air. What time still remains? This I’d rather not know. But I refuse to stay hidden Underneath the shadow Of oppression and malice. This my past taught me well. I must choose to move forward To escape the dark Hell. So pursuing my dreams And believing in Life, I find it’s now possible To leave worry behind. Each moment I cherish Helps tame the profane. Unavoidable secrets, but Healing now the campaign. There once was a time Almost gave up it all; Blood trickled; tears fell - Only heard demons call. But a paw to my shoulder Drove me out of the dark. Through a Doberman’s love I regained a small spark. Been fanning the ember My will seems to amaze Yet I’m humbled by memory Self-reflection my blaze. So this season I’m hopeful As I’m finding my niche That my life remains epic My past a small glitch. Converse all night
Feeling the bliss Could this now be My last first kiss? Pulses racing Love what I feel I'm drawn to you This flame surreal. Without a doubt I close my eyes Your sweet caress A truth in lies Surrounded by Unyielding heat My breath is caught As our lips meet. A simple touch Revealing light So long have I Stood in the night. A solo girl By choice alone A busy life Does not condone. Rushing forward But looking back Trying to find Just where I lack. Ever changing Never still But now with you I find the will. So here I stand My eyes have seen Our minds are one What does this mean? The shocking truth My heart now whole. Because you are My mirrored soul. Here is just another lazy day.
Listening inside to the trickling rain. Wanting to reach, but I hesitate. Please take the pain away. Officially realizing the hope now inside. Feeling I'm soaring where once I had died. Craving the touch of the amazing divine. I can now leave the ache behind. Memories will trickle and eyes become blurred. But glancing around, all anger deferred. Forgetting the blatant aggression incurred. I feel I am finally heard. The sacrifice made when I swallowed my fear. Took a chance to be free; wipe away each new tear. Instead focusing now on the things I hold dear. I am keeping the love that I now have near. For once I can see that this life is a choice. That each of us chooses how we sound our voice. We can focus on peace or be consumed by the noise. Chaos I wish to avoid. So here as I sit and I choose to have faith. The bubbling of life is what you also crave. Within each of us lies the enigmatically sane. Together we can create the beautifully mundane. With every new breath, this empathy climbs. Beyond all of the doubt, any reason or rhyme. I feel this is my chance; my one moment in time. And right now here I sit undoubtedly sublime. As drifters we pass by
Underneath the same bright sky We came so close but did not always know The rhyme or reason why Without the conflict or demand I simply now extend my hand I give my mind; our souls entwined Never compromise pause Your faith, your love, your precious gift Will bridge the span and heal the rift The smoking gun; the start of fun The flash rattles the mind With booming thunder, confidence Do not believe coincidence Examine now: the why, the how The peace beyond the lies pause In life it’s what we make of this The pain converted to a gift Not what we’re paid when skies are greyed It’s how we modify The price of peace is individual The outcome all residual Sometimes insane, others mundane To pain I say Goodbye pause Negative influence Must yield now to the consequence The hollow years now disappear I now prioritize And here I find adrenaline My future the best medicine I mend the seams; undying dreams I’ve learned to improvise pause Creation is my world; my bliss Building bonds my passion’s kiss. It’s fun to do the thrill of new Then plans can be surmised My final words I now bestow Perhaps it’s merely my ego But what I find is when you are kind You lose outer disguise Pause And here I find adrenaline My future the best medicine I mend the seams; undying dreams I’ve learned to improvise If it’s anything I’ve learned these years… Don’t be afraid to face your fears The hollow years will disappear Through the ashes you will rise. Slight pause This life was made for livin’ Don’t be forgotten, be forgiven Watching tonight’s splendid stage production of The Lion King at the Milwaukee Theater, I was entranced for the few hours of time. Have had a few hurdles the last couple of days (again), and although I know that I will find the right answers to my questions, it still sucks to know that some things I cannot change.
So now I must reflect on the fact that life is indeed a balancing act. I’ve been thrown a bit off balance lately and I suddenly find myself feeling awkward and somewhat reckless. I don’t have true regrets, but I do realize I must find my center again. So here goes, true to my style, as I try to weave the words in my head into a reflection of self to help promote peace within. "Becoming Alloy" It’s just so easy Like breathing Falling in step with you And every moment Each breath is stolen Every day is a deja vu I’ll be courageous Your smile contagious Every day now a sunny hue No desperation You’re the causation Of this wonderful endless view. It’s just unreal to me And I feel like a woman again No expectation This explanation Is it really so hard to believe? Strive for balance With each new challenge This is ever my reality I light each candle Some hard to handle But see the sacrifice fade away With each new compromise I learn to improvise And hope is what here remains It’s seems surreal to me Confused as to lovers or friends Impending changes Life rearranges I find myself cloaked by mystery Anticipating But hesitating Am I doomed to repeat history? As I contemplate My thoughts reverberate And I start to throw caution away Victim of circumstance Avoidance of this chance And so I live to fight another day Your heart reveal to me Or is truly it all depends? The fiery edge of fate The dimming of the hate The same adrenaline courses along A crept in memory Perfection my enemy I seek solace in dance and song. So now to contemplate And patiently await For one day I will find that joy The other half to my heart Sarcastic, funny, smart But for now emotion made of alloy. It’s just unreal to me… But I feel like I’m living again. Been in a bit of a funk today...just memories and mental hurdles. But writer's block is gone, which means I can just release my demons through words and melodies...which is PHENOMENAL! So here's the latest...
Music - Guitar to start, then more heavy metal/rock You were gone in the blink of an eye Words left unspoken Never even had the chance to cry Promises were broken And though I never really had a chance All of this emotion Been living life in a trance We are given single moments I know I did nothing wrong But now that you’re gone I’m alone. Chorus: Fueled by this soaring rage Unlock this demon’s cage End all this putrefied hate And let me be me again I can’t believe that even after these years An aching heart remembers The endless void beyond all that’s real A dim but still glowing ember Could it be that I’m more insane? Or do I just misremember? I crave the beautifully mundane But now I’ll never know that splendor I know that you are now at peace I know in time the pain will ease I need reprieve Chorus I thought I’d found an attainable peace Each moment calmed my anger An escapade where I could finally be free Where even I forgot the danger Beyond all the emotional ties Kept my soul and mind quite separate Free from overpowering lies Kept my hands and body temperate I know that you tried to free me But now I’m on my knees And I need to believe Chorus Fueled by this soaring rage (Why did you leave me here?) Unlock this demon’s cage (What is it going to prove?) End all this putrefied hate (No more my puppeteer) And let me be me again (Let me be me…again.) Fueled by this soaring rage Let me be me again. :I look to the Heavens: ... I miss you. I'm sorry we missed our moment and now it is too late. I hope you're laughing at me and that when I finally cross the Bridge and we meet again, I'll understand. Until then, my friend... Just another morning thinking of you
I stretch my arms out and I smile for the day So much ahead now left for me to do But I’m finding that I’m stuck on replay Just your words Excite my body Love your laugh Unlike anybody What to do now I’m so into you now Chorus: Fighting this feeling But it runs deep within me And I never thought I’d find this my friend I really think that this could be the end Of my sanity So hard to get up from the warmth of my bed My thoughts just flitter ‘round this game that we play The raging war between my heart and my head Will I survive this now to fight a new day? And what we have Unlike no other I’ve ever known Life a constant blur What to do now I’m so into you now Chorus I dance around the house, anticipating Hard to focus on the tasks I must do I can’t believe how long you’ve keep me waiting Just a few more hours until I’m next to you Hard to believe It’s been forever I need a reprieve This simple pleasure What to do now I’m so into you now Chorus Hard to believe It’s been forever I need a reprieve This simple pleasure What to do now I’m so into you now Goodbye Sanity So, I should be packing. I really “should”. But I can’t right now. Why? Because my mind is going in a billion different directions, racing in some ways at the speed of light, sauntering around yet other thoughts, and reflecting upon the last moments, hours, days, weeks, months, and even years.
Being in my head is overwhelming. I should know. I’m an active participant! Ha! But I keep coming back to one crucial thought: Faith. I have faith that things happen for a reason – even if we have absolutely not one whit of a clue as to why. Faith that I will overcome my obstacles. Faith that I am making the right decisions. Faith that I will be able to build up and complete my dreams. I’m not ready to share all of the details yet with anyone, but I had a spectacular “lightbulb moment” today and I know EXACTLY what I want to build now. I am good at marketing, fundraising, love animals (duh), and love to create things. Let’s face it. I’m a pretty darn good person and Changing the World, One Pet At A Time is a great goal for someone like me. But now I know how to do it better. I can’t even find another similar idea on Dr. Google, so maybe I have found my million-dollar idea finally! Now…just to get the business plan underway amidst all of the other mental flora that is overgrown in my head. I have no idea the time frame on this one, but maybe…just maybe…by the year 2017…would be a good goal time frame for me Then, there’s this pesky little thought in my head about my trip to Ireland, my Bucket List, and so many other desires, goals, and wants. But I have faith. That little by little, day by day, I can accomplish ALL of my dreams. Because, in all reality, my bucket list is ever changing as I do just that! Everyone knows I’ve faltered in my life – who hasn’t?!? But what makes me who I am is that I keep getting back up, dusting myself off, and trying the next rodeo. I’ve discovered that my soul is an unstoppable force and my drive and determination possess unyielding power. I have Faith that I was meant to do more. I feel most complete not when I have money (I commonly give away advice or training help), power (yeah…right…not something I ever really needed because I tend to create my own), or stand in the spotlight (I actually try and avoid that most days, as ironically enough my social confidence and EQ are quite low on the standard, even if my IQ is impressive) ...but when I have an effect on others. My effect onothers is my life's legacy. The ability to change just a small part of how they view, say, animals or behavior, veterinary medicine, or even just helping others feel happy. The peace that comes when I can help someone else smile. In the chaos…like here in writing…there is also a vast silence. I can meditate on this wondrous Earth and find my spirit friends to counsel with when I feel lost or burdened. It is within this silence that we find out who we really are. It is within this silence that we find our Light. For many years, I allowed fear to run my life and my light was pummeled into places that it almost didn’t recover from. But we all have the ability to change. Adapt. Modify. I don’t let fear run my life anymore. I am who I am. I guess I just finally started realizing one day that life happens FOR me…not TO me. I have the choice to make my life matter. I have faith that I can leap my obstacles and come out grinning on the other side. Heard this song on the radio yesterday and instantly fell into dancing and smiling. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JCLY0Rlx6Q) Suddenly, all of the bad mojo surrounding me in that moment was gone and it was all going to be okay. Whether anyone believes me or not, there are 525,600 moments in a year. Choosing to make the majority of those into positive ones - whether they change your life or just turn your frown upside down - your statistical data set will be well beyond the curve. Period. It’s basic math. As I have found myself in avoidance of my literary desires over the last several years (many do not know that a dream of mine was being a writer/lyricist/poet), when the spark ignites here and there, I try and gently caress it into a brighter flame, to at least maintain some of that skill set. But, once again this evening, I am finding myself pen in hand and just...writing...and this is what I came up with. Just a girl and her notebook. Just a pen and some words on a paper. But my own creation, nurtured into existence. As with the poem earlier, reflecting the heavy loss of today and my world, here are the words that I can spin into a story. May some random pop singer make them famous one day...
"Favorite Moment" This numb heart Doesn’t know what to feel A colored past Can I believe it’s real Your words A dream or reality This side of me I rarely let people see Now I find that your life is entwined with mine. Just another favorite moment drifting by So I seek Out the experience Now I’m free To live out the perfect dream My bright light Has been living in the shade But by your side I just don’t feel any pain With you near, there’s no fear, and for now we are aligned. Just another favorite moment drifting by Music Interlude With these storms I dance in the falling rain Take my hand And let me show you the way You’ve crawled deep Under my gentle skin And I love How I can just let you in With no risk, there’s no gain. And with you, there is no pain. Just another favorite moment drifting by Music Interlude I just love Living this innocent I feel like We’re more than just intimate All these words Dreaming of brighter days Intertwined Brushing the ache away We rebuild, with hands skilled, and our goals are all the same. Just another favorite moment drifting by My bright light Has been living in the shade But by your side I just don’t feel any pain You’ve crawled deep Under my gentle skin And I love How I can just let you in With no risk, there’s no gain. And with you, there is no pain. Just another favorite moment drifting by Just another favorite moment drifting by. |
Julie WestphalAuthor, Poet, Dreamer Archives
February 2024
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