Written 09/10/13...
As I lay down my weary head The dogs all snuggled in my bed We cuddle close and shut our eyes Await for morning's next surprise My thoughts are with those already gone And those that feel they're all alone Those who struggle, break the chain The ones who've lost, please ease their pain Those that want; show them the gift Those who have fought; please bridge the rift. As for the rest, I wish them love Pure light descends from up above Because I know what I must do I'll carry on; I live for you.
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Written 08/26/13...
Every moment, a memory Drifting now on stormy seas All this waiting for a reason The empty night the highest treason The time keeps speeding, no direction Without love, there's no obsession So now there's sinking, burning slowly Adverse to reason, trembling below me The fight begins; one final page Then the power of being freed from the cage Memory of good, bad, in-between The flame of love that sets souls free The grace you carried; the noble air The Princess who made all aware That Life is short, one guarantee Adorned in faith you now decree That all who loved you must carry on And in the heart, there lives your song More than a dog - a devoted friend So it's not Goodbye.. It's until I see you again. Athena was an amazing dog. She had people wrapped around her paw wherever she went...and she simply loved with her whole heart. She is greatly missed. There’s this light in each and every one of us. Sometimes it burns so brightly that it illuminates everyone around us and draws them nearer, like moths to a flame. But sometimes it flickers and fades, casting a glow so subtle that even a firefly mistakes it for a shadow.
Tonight the reality is clear. So many have lost their lights. I don’t know if they have just misplaced their flame, buried it so deep behind facades of grandeur... or if it is truly gone for good. I fear that if we cannot stoke it again soon, all without will stumble into the great black beyond forever. Time is of the essence…but who can find the time anymore? Always busy. Always running this way and that. Always chasing ideas that flitter just beyond reach or fall through their fingers like sand, not always finding what they hoped would be there. I don’t mean to sound so desolate, or like there is nothing good at all. There are so many good things...I make a point to find some everyday. And there is still the part of my own flame that believes that all here have great meaning; great purpose. With all of the sadness, cruelty, and heartache that abounds, however, I still struggle with trying to find it. Trying to help others find it. The sands of time for me cascade just a little more haphazardly. In the grander scheme of things, who am I, really? I’m proud to say that I have made it farther than anyone ever thought I would, defied odds stacked against me, and clambered over walls seemingly impassable. But still…it's not enough. I want to leave a legacy. Just a small one. Nothing too grandiose. But a legacy nonetheless. What are we but mere whispers amongst the wind? Ageless only by living on through the memories of others? The demons of this world continually creep in, cackling and flaunting their wretchedness, and I fear they will devour this world for good. We mustn't go numb. We must stand united. We must fight. The light withers more within each of us, with each passing hour of nonchalance. We cannot keep turning away from the injustices served in front of us each day. I’ve grown so weary of this constant battle and I am aware that the darkness can be comforting...but... It takes effort to change the world. I've had to battle through my own caverns, grasping at the flickers of light through crevices seemingly forever out of reach. But one constant remains: I haven't given up yet. My light still burns. I still believe the world can change. I still believe that I can make a difference. If I can help spark even ONE person, I know they can spark another...and together, we can light the darkest corners of this world. Written Oct 26th, 2011...
Listening to the rain falling down around me Looking for some answers in the clouds up above Flashes of light, energy surrounds me One thing is for certain in this life – that’s love Can’t relate to the strangers around me Just can’t seem to find what I’ve been looking for Searching for the treasure at the end of the rainbow Think that maybe finally I’ve found the cure Chorus: But I’m just naïve. I’m lost in fun. Maybe this time I’ve found the one Spirits combine; your hand in mine Together our hearts beat now as one. But I’m just naïve, and now I can see, that I’m just naïve. Just can’t seem to picture my purpose in this life So hard just to stand up when I barely crawl But inch by inch I seem to find new rhythm Emotions of uncertainty provide then a wall Suddenly your hand reaches down to grab me I’m lifted up into the warm embrace of the sun I let my eyes roll back and peace wash over me I’m cradled softly and I don’t have to run Chorus Softly: But I’m just naïve, I’m lost in fun. Even if I haven’t really found the one. I’m suddenly free; I’m where I need to be. Looking into blue skies, feeling warmth of the sun I may be naïve, but maybe you can be, naïve with me. Music break Listening to the rain falling down around me Looking for some answers in the clouds up above Flashes of light, energy surrounds me One thing is for certain in this life – that’s love. Written Aug 2011
The rain falls like tears today Through the multitudes of plush green foliage The Earth is quiet The gentle pattering reverberates against man-made metallics But even the creatures lounge today The land refueling Our most precious resource recycling itself Days like today that I dream of my ancestors Plowing forward race Feeling that I was born to the wrong century Relishing a more natural, quieter time Subdued by desire The calling comes from deep within my soul A need greater than ever known before Flashes of courage Nearing the time when all is in balance and feels harmony Even the creatures lounge today The world is at peace. Written 2009-ish...
Tonight I write the saddest lines about myself I fear that this will be the last song I pen I worry that tomorrow'll come and leave me far behind And this is the last song that I write. Tonight I cry the driest tears I've ever seen Feel the feathery soft caress of a ghost coming back to haunt me My head has spun so long that I fear it will fall to the ground And you'll see that I've been dead all along. Chorus: So tell me How can you wait forever? For something that may never come? Why do you say "together" Like it's something that we've both done? How can you pray for an answer To a question you've yet to ask? You tell me you see forever But you've gone and turned your back on me How can you get your pleasure from my pain? It's time to cease this demon's game. Tonight I dare to speak my every dream to silence I open up my shadows and race against Father Time Moments of my memories crawl into mortal life As tears course like rivers, there's nowhere left to hide. Tonight I pour my every drop of blood on this paper Allowing my presence to be known for just one night Beyond all of your laws, outside the realm of suspicion With demons chasing and aching cries of the innocent. Chorus Tonight my body weeps for another time The pulse of my life rushing with fear, pounding, frantic I have forgotten what I started fighting for The frailties of human emotion forevermore. The devil in blue jeans Nothing is what it seems The devil in blue jeans How can you get your pleasure from my pain? It's time to cease this demon's game. (Music Interlude) Tonight I write the saddest line about myself I fear that this will be the last song I am able to pen I worry that tomorrow'll come and leave me far behind And this is the last song that I write. Tonight I cry the driest tears I've ever seen Feel the feathery soft caress of a ghost coming back to hunt me My head has spun so long that I fear it will fall to the ground And you shall see that i've been dead all along. (The devil in blue jeans) Yes, you shall see that I've been dead all along. Angels Falling (written 2009-ish?)
Nothing’s sacred anymore I see the world through a stranger’s eyes Most people look to a bigger prize And fall to the floor In their greed I’m a long way from anywhere I’ve lost my luck, l I feel so exposed. I’m travelling on a road to close To nowhere Follow if you dare Chorus: I see angels falling from the sky Roll of thunder, hear my cry Shadow of darkness just get away from me Spirit of love Stay with me I see angels falling Love, stay with me I missed my turn to somewhere I can’t believe where I’m headed to I see my fear when I look at you And I know I’m losing my way There are things that make me realize That this world has no real pleasant fate We just tear and fill up with hate We don’t have to, no, we don’t have to But we do. Chorus Fragile heart of mine Keep the love alive Fragile flame inside Keep burning bright Feel the pain subside As I search my soul tonight Oh, fragile flame of mine Keep burning bright …Please keep burning bright… Chorus 2x’s Love, stay with me (Stay with me) I see angels falling (angels falling) Love, stay with me. Written 01/23/09
There’s a silence in the air The stillness of the moon haunts the night The vacuum of my heart seeks solace From the memories I can’t forget. There was once a hope of restoration An echo of angels permeating my soul Now there remains only desolation The ghost of a time now forgotten. Where is the life I once recognized? The hope of a world untouched by wrath? The ordinary now decimated by the despair But what if tomorrow is too late? Tonight I now seek to mend The broken hearts of those alone Forgiving the enemy, now my friend The broken path that leads to Oz. The final prize is worth the price. I’ve learned to lie, but here’s the truth I refuse to live another day Regretting the price of life I’ve paid. I refuse to think the end is this So to travel far, I'll no longer be remiss. Written a very long time ago, in my teens.
One of my fondest memories is from the window of an airplane on a journey back home. I had said goodbye to my father and grandmother just an hour earlier, and walked onto a 727airline jet, shaking. I hadn’t wanted to delay getting on the plane, for I knew the tears that had threatened would burst forth, and I hadn’t wanted my family to see them. I had to be strong for them. After hearing the boarding call for pre-boarders, I knew it was almost over. I was given a brief, stiff hug from my father and a solitary kiss atop my head. From my grandmother I was given a lingering embrace and a river of tears showering my head…Good-byes were always the hardest part. Over the intercom, the call for pre-boarders was again posted, and it was time to leave. “I have to go,” I said. “I’ll see you again at Christmas.” I had turned and walked away, desperately wanting to run and hug them once more. But if I turned back, they’d see the tears I had hidden behind my facade trying to free themselves from behind my eyes. They would realize I wasn’t so strong. I handed my ticket to the stewardess, keeping my face hidden from her prying eyes, walked down the terminal, and onto the plane. My mind was racing, my palms were shaking, and everything seemed to collide into a huge mass of sorrow. As I stepped aboard the plane, smiles and cheerful greetings confronted me. A solitary tear crept down my face, then deposited itself onto the floor. I could not speak, for the lump in my throat would not allow it. I looked distractedly upon their faces, knowing that just yesterday mine had been the same as I played miniature golf with my family. Concern flickered briefly across the pilot’s face, and I scurried to my seat before any questions could be asked. I stowed my carry-on under the seat in front of me and stared, as if in total concentration, at the back of the seat in front of me. I let the anger build and boil at having to go through this emotional turmoil every time. I glanced out of the window for a moment. I hated the bright sunlight and cheery atmosphere. The bustle of activity caught my attention, and I was reminded of happenings just days ago: the trip to my cousins’ house. Everyone had greeted me like a long-lost friend, which, in many ways, I had been. I had settled down to play with the dog for but a moment, when I was whisked away to play Hide-and-Seek, followed by a game of Gladiators. Thoroughly worn out, I was allowed ten minutes to eat and recharge, and then off we went to Save the Planet! I smiled through my tears at these memories, and watched the ground start to move. After the plane stopped at the runway, the engines starting roaring, and we were off. The plane’s nose went into the air first, quickly followed by the tail. The pressure increased in my ears, to almost painful, but I didn’t mind: it echoed the pain in my heart, and the disappointment at remembering being betrayed by my so-called “Creator”, when I was three. As we ascended into the growing mass of cotton clouds, I was reminded of my grandmother’s house, picture perfect, yet a place for children’s dreams to come true. Every joyous Christmas was spent there; filled with family, love, and peace. Every day that I had visited was filled with activity, and I was included in every detail. Her house was filled with warmth and reminded me of my home two thousand miles away. It was a home-away-from-home, but only twice a year for a few days. I cherished the time I spent with her, but always ached for more. Remembering the things I’d missed, always brought me back to tears. In contrast to the receding sorrow, I was reminded of an old memory. My parents’ divorce, that, as a child, left me drowning in confusion and anger towards what I had once believed. At the time, I hadn’t realized to what extent that event had had on me, but I am aware of it now. I never quite fully trusted in God again. After the resentment filled my mind, my attention turned towards the distant scenery. It was awash with color: baby blue, lavender, pale rose, and endless variances, where no one color ended distinctly for another to begin. It was as if an artist had taken a brush and painted a majestic painting of soft, framing colors around a brilliant, yet fading, orange center. I was left in awe. The next few moments left me breathless. I watched, transfixed, as the orange center sank lower and lower into the paling colors; a painting in motion at its climax. A piercing glare appeared as it dipped into the clouds, feet first. I watched as it sank deeper. At last, the final section of outer rim diminished and disappeared under the now darkening clouds. The sun had shown its glorious descent to me...and I had watched on without going blind. Peace swept through my veins and I slowly shook my head in a daze. I gazed out of the window and was astounded. A magical kingdom danced before my eyes, full of smiles, and happiness, and joy. The clouds had turned animate. I looked around the cabin seeing if anyone else around me was also watching this miraculous scene, but they all seemed to have their eyes closed, or otherwise busy. I turned back around and shuttered the window, half-afraid of what I might NOT see. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the headrest. I forgot about everything painful and thought about the wonders of life. How the end to one day always brings a new day in due time. How the tears of yesterday are the smiles of tomorrow. Every loss has its gain; every ending has its new beginnings. Memories will last a lifetime. A warm glow spread throughout every part of my being...and I prayed. For the first time in so many years, I actually talked to God. I asked for forgiveness for not believing, for being angry at what I had thought throughout the years was unjust. He listened and responded without words, but thoughts. My parents’ divorce was not His fault; it was His doing. Both of them are now happier. My childhood memories were not to be forgotten or remembered with anger, they were to be celebrated for even having them in the first place. He gave me peace as tears flooded my face once again…My ever-forgiving Father. I relaxed in my seat, emotionally drained, and watched dusk turn into night. The colors were turning indigo, then black. The stars were appearing and starting to shine, reminding me of the hunt for fireflies four nights past. Memories came flooding back, but this time it wasn’t painful. This time, I accepted them with open arms, allowing them to stay with me for the remainder of the flight. I have learned not to forget my special memories. I’ve learned to store them away...for tomorrow’s smiles. ***Although my faith lies elsewhere now, and some may say I commit blasphemy by saying this, whether you believe in a God, or many Gods and Goddesses, that's why they call it faith. If believing in something helps make your life better, your spirit stronger, your stress bearable...they you should not have to worry about what others think of you. This is YOUR LIFE...Each day is a gift, not a given right. Sometimes I forget that. |
Julie WestphalAuthor, Poet, Dreamer Archives
February 2024
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