The heart can be heavy
The mind full of pain A soul can be weary When loss outweighs the gain The search for an answer A tragic loss of hope Neverending sense of failure Residual fear of nope So what becomes of the passion When the hourglass runs low? Who sifts through the damage When there's no where left to go? An onslaught of the judgment The snickers behind the scenes They won't see every teardrop Wondering just what their laughter means. For peace has now eluded her Her once smile now upside down She walks straight to the river Shedding all but her glory gown As memories fall from her now Her fingertips brush dirt A feathery wind reminds her soul She is a child of Earth This tragic scene will soon be known Her life's blood slowly ebbs For where the pain and edge has grown Dark matter extends its webs A numbing buzz as vision blurs This moment ever clear Forgotten, all the joy once felt To all once held so dear As moments fade; the fight now lost The dark sword humanity wields You've crushed an Angel's innocence Now scattered back in Heavens fields For just one word or moment can Destroy a flickering light When darkness wins, we all will lose We forget wrong from right If one thing this can teach us all The moments ever rare When given chance to soothe or strike Be gentle and aware The world so needs a kinder push To change the bitterness A reminder now to care for all To keep from tasting death's first kiss.
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Bereft tonight
A soul wiped clean Deception stole That part of me Divinely uninspired Previous dreams retired Guess that means that once again The laughter, joke's on me. The tears that fall My every thought Just fuck it all So many bought Mistake affection And trade attention But somehow now that innocence Is worthlessness now taught. I used to love A mystery Running from My history Playing the hero While feeling zero And told the crazy illnesses Are merely smoke and trickery. My weary eyes My heart, it aches With every step My body breaks It's time to be free From all insanity So here I sit and contemplate How to fix all my mistakes. I've tried to smile My sword to fight Befriend the demons And find each light In retrospect They've stacked the deck Dejected now, look to the skies It's over; a failed compromise. Strangers rushing by
Don't even question why Think their compass now has died So here I sit alone and sigh Here I pray Hear my cry I'm lost amongst the din so loud Alone though standing in a crowd Feigned neutrality screamed aloud All bereft, and yet not one head bowed Whispers hidden, now allowed Wait until settling of the dust cloud So try to find the ways I'm blessed Hope to find the peace to rest Try again after each failed test But ever try, a soul possessed My fear oppressed Mission confessed Why must some always play a part? Can’t just follow their own heart Refuse to see the brilliant stars For just what they really are Faith reservoir New repertoire So go ahead and sneer at me But do you really even see? Broken hearts still bleed the same Evil always shares the blame Inside of each, we are NOT the same The truth will finally set you free. They say time
Is a flowing constant That it drums To an ancient rhyme But I know time As a raging echo Of what we do Life’s paradigm Chorus: I watch the blood Through my tears I hide the pain Through all these years When will my voice Be heard again? Can I restart Or is this the end? Some want more Never silent Never time To just stand still So just right now Will you sit here with me Can we watch the stars Underrated skill Chorus Can we change this world? Is it just that easy To decide That we are just that done So lead me now Into blissful wonder Let’s create Another battle won But…Chorus They say time Is a flowing constant That it drums To an ancient rhyme But I know time As a raging echo And that’s why I I am owning mine Yes, that time Is a raging echo So what we do Is what we leave behind. Oh, oh, time is a raging echo And what you do Is what you leave behind. I surrender
I fill the silence With a voice that screams out Against the violence Finding words that need no explanation Here comes Damnation So I surrender Can I remember And feel the sunshine With a hand that reaches out Against the hate crime Can I embrace all that this life can throw my way And leap into the fray It’s time to remember Chorus So I, I surrender To the music in my head To the words I left unsaid I, I surrender Wish for another day with you Wish for a chance to speak the truth As above and so below The universe and so the soul I surrender I see the splendor I watch the sunrise With a memory where Even the angels cry Will I be strong enough to face another day My path has gone astray But Earth is my defender My heart now mending I refuse the cage Born here wild I will let my fire rage The healing of a past within the rain Never crazy, never sane Now a contender Chorus As above and so below The universe and so the soul May I be strong enough to face another day Never crazy, never sane May all the noise now become Wondrous splendor I surrender It’s just another sunny day
Without you Keep thinking I’ll see your face Beside me What I’d give to hear your voice Surround me But it’s just another sunny day Putting colors in the grey And now I’m jealous of the rain I walk another city block Alone Every corner with no place To call home A thousand footsteps walking by Searching With all the hustle and the strife Some forget to cherish life And now I’m jealous of their lie Chorus: So is this the moment of surrender? Is this the reason for it all? Am I to sit here and just ponder? While the world just takes the fall? Why do we hold on to forever? Thinking death won’t change it all? So I’ll be dreaming of surrender Until my own of Heaven’s call Now I lay me down to sleep Tonight Wish upon the stars above For peace With the rumblings going on Outside A million dazzling in the sky Masking pain with every sigh And now I’m jealous of the high So see me building my own dream Today Don’t wanna hold back on the love I have The ripples that we can create Will flow The Pandora’s box of lies The truth of living compromise Ready now to jump and fly Chorus x2 Sitting here I watch the sunset Memories fall from my eyes Another heartbreak fuels the mindset Through this fall I know I’ll rise It’s just another moonlit night Without you I watch the stars dance In the dark The cloaking brilliance Of the peace I listen for your voice and sigh Hearing whispers of the night And I’m still jealous of the high Tomorrow’ll be another sunny day Putting colors in the grey And I’ll still find another way. Is this the moment of surrender? Must be the reason for it all. The past may be written
Indelible in time Pass the blame; play the victim But for what is the crime? Life is such a riddle It’s hard to stay in rhyme Forever stuck in the middle So shine so bright it hurts the eye Please give me just one reason Another hopeful night Giving up’s the highest treason To hiding in plain sight So play the hand you're given Trade your cards as you see fit For when you trade in the illusion You’ll finally control the niche. Below is a summary of the costs associated with raising a litter of puppies responsibly.
Pre-Puppy Expenses / Expense Description Show dog at AKC or Sporting events to ascertain temperament, genetic working ability, certifications (CGC, NTD, prep for: Therapy Dog Cert, CGCA, BN, BH, CD, and more) $1,200.00 so far. We have several more goals, so likely around $8000 when done. Travel to meet and compare various stud dogs (if not own stud) Since I used my Guinness this breeding, he was a $25,000+ dog and I only incurred the insemination fees. Guinness was fully health tested and titled/certs in 17 different areas. His Stud Fee is $2500 because he is now deceased and I have only a small number of breedings remaining after his collection while alive, which has annual costs of storage (~$100/yr) after the Initial Costs of about $1300. OFA and health certifications of health for MOM ONLY (vWD status, Embark full panel genetic testing, OFA: Eyes, Echo, Hips, Elbows, Dentition; blood panels for liver/thyroid $1550.00 I incurred all cost for DAD as well…about same cost. 7 Progesterone tests to pinpoint accuracy of timing @$75/every 2 days $525.00 Brucellosis test & health check for bitch (incurred cost for Guinness prior to each collection) $130.00 Stud Fee to Stud Owner None this time - I incurred all costs prior to, however. Regular stud fees are $1500+ for a fully tested and titled stud dog. Lost wages (time off work to travel to stud dog or vet for breeding) $750.00 - travel and 3 days off of work for TCI breeding at Veterinary Village in Lomira, WI Does NOT include lost wages of first week with pups or any additional time required to be off after whelping. No hotel needed this breeding $0.00 OR Airline fare and boarding to fly bitch to dog $0.00 Semen Collection of Stud (if needed) Prev- as stated above. Transcervical insemination of collected sperm into bitch $920 Ultrasound to check on status of breeding, Day 30 $75.00 Pre-puppy Total: NO PUPPIES YET, just preliminaries (double if breeding doesn’t take) = $5770 ...and this breeding I incurred all of the fees for the Stud Dog, so almost DOUBLE that at about $10,000. Now, we can get to Puppy Expenses... Accumulate needed birthing supplies (clamps, heat lamp, heat mat, siphon bulb, replacement milk, whelping pads, vitamins, calcium supplements, etc.) $400.00 Update website/media & get puppycam ready (hosting) $150 Extra food in anticipation of pregnancy (feeding for 6+, puppy food, add-ins to help appetite) $300.00 Prenatal vitamins/supplements for bitch $120.00 X-ray to confirm pregnancy, Day 58 or so $90.00+ Miss work to deliver puppies (sick time or lost wages) $750.00? Birth Expenses – Natural (have oxytocin, other drugs on hand for complications) $180.00 Birth Expenses – C-section/Complications $3000.00+ Emergency visit cost (weekend, after hours or fading puppy vet visit) $300.00+ AKC litter registration $55.00 More premium food for nursing mom & puppies (once weaned) $300.00 Nursing Mom refuses eat premium food, demands steak and cottage cheese instead $200.00 Vet Emergency that always happens (stepped on puppy, Mastitis in mom) $500.00+ Enrichment for Pups as they grow and start to explore: $500+TIME (larger pen, toys, scent games, individual assessments, etc) Start puppies on solid food (hamburger, cottage cheese, premium Puppy food varies by breeder) $400.00+ Worm puppies 3 times (assuming 4-10 puppies) – stool sample $35 each & meds $300.00 Vet Checkup right after birth / Litter Exam $100 First Parvo/Distemper vaccines for 6 puppies (1 shots each) & Vet checkup at 6 weeks, with de-worming. $450.00 Second Parvo/Distemper vaccines/de-worming & Vet checkup before homing 6 pups. $450.00 New & replacement puppy toys, towels, baby gates, other misc. necessities(leashes, collars, etc) $200.00 Home Destruction (replace chewed woodwork, cords, repair furniture & rugs etc.) $250.00+ 24/7 job of supervising new mom, making sure puppies are safe & fed, laundress, playmate and poop picker upper PRICELESS Talking to prospective owners and evaluating applications/checking references/vet calls/etc. TIME ...which equals MONEY. Assemble puppy “going home” packets (copying, food samples, collar, toys, poop bags, etc.) for 6pups $300.00 Photos/developing, communication w/puppy buyers (digital/film – email/cell phone minutes) $100.00+ TIME = MONEY Added utility bills and laundry costs for washing puppy blankets and heating for puppies when they are first born. $200.00+ Eventual Sleep and a Healthy Mom & Puppies – Puppy breath and cuddles PRICELESS Total Cost of Whelping/Raising Litter $9,268+! I also do Embark testing on each pup, so if 6pups in litter = $ 130/pup = $780+! TOTAL COST TO BREED A LITTER OF RESPONSIBLY-BRED PUPPIES $15,000+! Does NOT include any fees spent on Guinness over his lifetime. So.in all reality...$22,000+ for a healthy, temperamentally sound, titled, evaluated, and well-bred litter. I expect 6 pups and if I am asking $1500/pup, I would expect $7500 (5 adopted pups) to return to help cover expenses...because I am keeping one myself and now will incur all expenses for this pup. I am still in the red about $14,500. No, breeding is NOT about the money for some of us. It is about BETTERING the breed and trying to preserve health, temperament, and quality dogs. I am grateful for my heartbeat, because someone did not wake up this morning. I am grateful for my breath, because someone is fighting each moment to breathe right now. I am grateful for the roof over my head, because someone is struggling out in the cold somewhere. I am grateful for the food in my fridge, because someone goes hungry today. I am grateful for those who protect and serve, because there are people out there with the desire to cause harm to others. I am grateful for the amazing people in my life who encourage me to keep trying, because someone may be fighting against all odds to find that ONE reason to live. I am grateful for the moments that I have had with people, with animals, and trying to make a difference in this frequently cruel world, because one day all I am will be just a memory. The time for giving thanks is not just today...but every day. You do not have to move a mountain to change the world. Every day gives you an opportunity to make a difference. I am grateful that today I was given another day.
The latest trend going around is a cleanse, they say. So here I'll send to all my friends a wish for another day. To truly live, forget regret. To purge the anger out. To just forgive; the quota unmet. No strength to waste this bout. Remember in the end you'll lay, as your last breath withers away. Regret will flay and rend you as helpless prey. Will people miss your car and clothes or feel the absence of your flair? So why live life expecting more than how hard you work your own derriere?
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Julie WestphalAuthor, Poet, Dreamer Archives
February 2024
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