Written back in Feb, 2011, but just as pertinent this evening as i reflect on my life once again...
It started off as an eerie silence, an empty corridor of doubt and lost hope. Now it’s progressed into a steadily thudding hurt, but not for what apparently has been lost…for what may never be found. You see this road has been going up mountains and coasting into valleys, forever curving, dipping, twisting but never finding that spot – that true lookout point – where you can say with any degree of certainty “This was what I’ve been searching for.” There has been no “wow” moment. No “I knew all along.” No "This is why I am here." certainty. Only “Maybe if I…” patterns. “Maybe if I had stopped there…” “Maybe if I had taken another road…” “Maybe if I change.” Maybe if I had done what I had planned on doing that one fateful night years ago… Maybe if I had succeeded. None of this would be happening. None of the pain or anger I am causing would be felt. Maybe I can rectify that soon. Maybe there is a way to ensure that none of this will ever happen again. Things have changed so much. Maybe it’s time.
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Julie WestphalAuthor, Poet, Dreamer Archives
February 2024
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